+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 28

Thread: The Daily A-Hole (Orgcrush blog)

  1. #1
    Banned Orgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forums
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Them thar hills
    Posts
    9,815
    Rep Power
    0

    The Daily A-Hole (Orgcrush blog)

    My first screed will detail the reasons I hate going to the gym. And Jan. 3rd is a great time for that, because all these New Years resolutioners are insufferable as all hell:


    The obesity epidemic in America is a baffling mystery to lots of people. But not to me. The fact that 300lb fatasses prefer the couch to the ellyptical can be explained by the population of most gyms. Here’s a sampling of the worst:

    1. Old naked guy in the locker room:




    There is an inverse relationship between a man’s age, and his willingness to wear ANY clothing for any period of time whatsoever in a locker room. When I hit the locker room, strip down to the boxers, and put on the workout gear, about 4.5 seconds elapses between the time my pants come off, and the workout shorts go on. “Private” areas never see daylight. In other words, if I were famous, and papparazzi wanted a look at my gear, I’d be the Hillary Duff of Google image searches. Go ahead, try killing the filter: the best thing out there is PG cleavage. Meanwhile, Bob Dole’s great-uncle comes waltzing from the ****ter to the shower, not a stitch of clothing in sight, with silvery whisps of dead or dying hair hanging from 90-year-old junk that looks like it got wounded landing on Normandy, and then spent the next 50 years getting mashed onto those beaded seatcovers in a long-haul cab. This guy walked straight in off the set of Schindler’s List. And this isn’t PG-13 stuff. According to the MPAA, it would be “pervasive, graphic nudity.” Old Man River has to stand (or crouch) in the buff, threading a drawstring through a hooded sweatshirt or practicing the combination on his locker 400 times, oblivious to the fact that one of his nuts has just fallen off and turned to dust on the floor. I’ll be lucky if I can keep food down for a week.

    2. Dude in flip-flops with gallon-jug of water:




    Yeah, God forbid you cover your yeast-farm fungus toes with, you know, standard footwear in the form of socks and shoes while you’re around heavy metal weights, steel moving parts and treadmills. These Class A douchebags spend 70% of their take-home pay on protein supplements, sleeveless shirts and cheap cologne, yet only .0004% on personal hygiene products. Most of them are caucasian males of northern European descent, yet have a tan that makes Wesley Snipes look mulatto. Just the same, you never see one outdoors, because they spend more time on indoor tan beds than an otter skin in the cabin of a 16th-century French fur trader. But these ******** have admirers…

    3. Skanks in Wedding Makeup and a sports Bra:



    I’m a red-blooded, hetero American male, so I can tolerate attractive women wearing scant clothing in my presence. But when chicks come to the gym dolled up like a small-town news anchor, it gets a tad weird. Then it gets annoying…Usually after about 1 rep on the lat-pull machine (with 5 lbs of resistance), they take a 40-minute break to chat up flip-flops/milk-jug guy, who’s only too happy to show off his bulging lattisimus deltoidus dorsi in a “casual” fashion while bragging about his latest exploits while working at the construction site and/or as delivery guy for Busch.

    If dolled-up half-naked slut isn’t busy trying to talk flip-flop guy into fathering her 4th out-of-wedlock child, she’s usually on her cell phone, calling other flip-flop guys (who are on break from their part-time gig at GNC) or discussing the latest reality TV phenomenon with a similarly ho’d out girlfriend, who’s three treadmills down from skank 1.

    4. New Year’s Resolutioners:



    Don’t get me wrong, I do want to kill these people. Oh wait, maybe you didn’t get me wrong. Nothing’s more classic than hitting the gym at 5 p.m. on January 2nd only to find that the membership roster at your workout facility has tripled inside of 48 hours. Instead of a normal workout experience, where I might have to wait for one machine or two, I’m presented with a surplus of doughy fat guys trying to do hamstring curls on a squat rack, tricep extensions on a stationary bike, and sit-ups on the drinking fountain. That generally increases my “workout” time to about 4 hours, during 3 of which I watch a new member wearing blue jeans and a John Deere hat try desperately to do butterfliy curls with a yoga ball. Sure, I should be happy for these people who have the courage to change something about themselves that they dislike. I just wish they’d stop doing push-ups on top of a weight stack and do it somewhere more appropriate….like a freeway.

    5. Front desk guy who pretends like he wants me to “have a great weekend, bro!”:



    I know how absorbing and discombobulating it can be to surf internet porn for an entire 8-hour shift, believe me. That’s why I really wish the early 20-something DudeBro with the capricious eagle tattoos and chin-strap beard whose chief responsibility at the gym is to make sure his stool doesn’t fly into the atmosphere would quit pretending he’s stoked that I came to exercise while he was totally working there at the same time! I say this not because I detest friendly salutations and social graces, but because I am suspicious of the sincerity of said salutations when I walk into the gym, get an enthusiastic “Hey bro!!!”, then spin on a dime to go back to my truck for an item I forgot, only to get an equally enthusiastic “see you later, bro!!” exactly 45 seconds later. The only thing separating him from the cyborgs in I, Robot is a programmed personality.

    If we de-douche the gym environment, my friends, we’ll have no need for socialized medicine.

  2. #2
    Sergeant Major of SEC Fanatics Corps HeyBulldog has a great deal of respect on the forumsHeyBulldog has a great deal of respect on the forumsHeyBulldog has a great deal of respect on the forumsHeyBulldog has a great deal of respect on the forumsHeyBulldog has a great deal of respect on the forumsHeyBulldog has a great deal of respect on the forumsHeyBulldog has a great deal of respect on the forumsHeyBulldog has a great deal of respect on the forumsHeyBulldog has a great deal of respect on the forumsHeyBulldog has a great deal of respect on the forumsHeyBulldog has a great deal of respect on the forums HeyBulldog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    17,218
    Rep Power
    604466

    Re: The Daily A-Hole (Orgcrush blog)

    I'm going to enjoy this blog, as I enjoy most of your posts. Especially since you can just say what you feel without needing to appear to be disrespectful to other peoples' opinions you disagree with, like you normally do.

  3. #3
    Moderator joehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forums joehogjoe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    The Center of the Universe
    Age
    57
    Posts
    43,376
    Rep Power
    3121863

    Re: The Daily A-Hole (Orgcrush blog)

    I am completely grossed out by peoples feet. So many people in sandles or flip flops have the nastiest feet. The ones with dirt under their toenails, how does that even happen???? do people even wash their feet anymore. I mean I know combing hair has gone the way of the dinosaurs, but feet need more than just to let the shower water hit them.
    Never Yield!

    Go Hogs


    My American flag will hang upside down for the foreseeable future.

  4. #4
    Banned Orgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forums
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Them thar hills
    Posts
    9,815
    Rep Power
    0

    Re: The Daily A-Hole (Orgcrush blog)

    Fat Tax: Make it happen

    Dear Do-Nothing Congress:

    I have something for you to do. Our road infrastructure is faltering, our healthcare system is bloatedly expensive (like Oprah) and our airline seats are spilling over with chubby arms. I blame one thing that has a direct relationship to it all: fat people.

    You need to do it already: You need to complicate the Tax Code just a little bit more, and charge by the pound. That's right, I'm calling for a fat tax, so the disgusting, vile, heavy-breathing buffet-smashers that litter our obese countryside can pay their fair share of oxygen, wheat crop, and grocery-aisle blocking.

    A lot of people use the Body-Mass Index to determine who is obese, overweight, normal, etc. This is pretty simple. You divide height and weight into a formula, and spit out a verdict. 18.5-25 is a normal human. 25-30 is pretty gross. 30-Over is just a total ****ing fatass. At 6-feet and 170lbs, I'm a 23 or so.

    A lot of dudes I went to high school with probably really take issue with this. They think 6 feet, 190lbs is about right, and any dude weighing less than that resembles a pansy-ass fag/g/ot, who wears running shorts and reads books and sh1t. These same doucheburgers who hate the skinnies roll up their t-shirt sleeves to reveal sunburned fat like they think we can't tell the difference between John Candy and Hugh Jackman. They spend 4 minutes at the gym working bench, ignore cardio or legs, and then suck down microbrews in between fantasy football picks. "Dude," they say, "look at Michael *urp* Turner -- he's heavier than me and we're the same *hic* height." Yeah? He also runs a 4.4 40, power cleans 375, has 5% body fat, and could make it to from your mailbox to the front door without stopping for a breather, you fat sack of jizztard.

    And don't think I'm letting you women off the hook. I hear you dumb b1tches referring to your chubby arms, piss-belly, and fat ass as "sex padding" or "baby fat". No, that's Revenge of the Baskin, Robbins, Ben, Jerry and Dunkins, you sedentary hog. I might have sympathy for you broads who hate Angelina Jolie or Gisele for creating an unrealistic feminine ideal. I might have that sympathy, except that you're creating a feminine ideal for your own daughter that more resembles Kathy Bates. There is such a thing as a pendulum. Angelina's side includes bulemia and early onset dementia, true. But your side of the pendulum includes more than 17 ass-dimplies and heart disease. Live normal, people.

    The fat tax shall be simple. All income tax returns will include a fiscal-year photo of the filer, attested by 2 American citizens who sign the document, swearing that the individual is eligible for the "human sized" deduction. Those accomplishing a weight that is normal for most primates of their height will receive a 2% reduction. Overweight people will see their tax rate increase by the percentage of the normal BMI range. Obese people should just hand their freaking money to me. They can do it at the vending machine, where I will buy them some apple chips and a Diet Rite.

  5. #5
    Corporal The7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forums The7Liberals's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    via rocky top
    Posts
    186
    Rep Power
    58692

    Re: The Daily A-Hole (Orgcrush blog)



    deserves her own post.

  6. #6
    Corporal The7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forumsThe7Liberals has a great deal of respect on the forums The7Liberals's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    via rocky top
    Posts
    186
    Rep Power
    58692

    Re: The Daily A-Hole (Orgcrush blog)



    twice.

  7. #7
    Lance Corporal BaylieSymms has a great deal of respect on the forumsBaylieSymms has a great deal of respect on the forumsBaylieSymms has a great deal of respect on the forumsBaylieSymms has a great deal of respect on the forumsBaylieSymms has a great deal of respect on the forumsBaylieSymms has a great deal of respect on the forumsBaylieSymms has a great deal of respect on the forumsBaylieSymms has a great deal of respect on the forumsBaylieSymms has a great deal of respect on the forumsBaylieSymms has a great deal of respect on the forumsBaylieSymms has a great deal of respect on the forums BaylieSymms's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    50
    Rep Power
    62533

    Re: The Daily A-Hole (Orgcrush blog)

    Quote Originally Posted by Orgcrush View Post
    Fat Tax: Make it happen
    And don't think I'm letting you women off the hook. I hear you dumb b1tches referring to your chubby arms, piss-belly, and fat ass as "sex padding" or "baby fat". No, that's Revenge of the Baskin, Robbins, Ben, Jerry and Dunkins, you sedentary hog. I might have sympathy for you broads who hate Angelina Jolie or Gisele for creating an unrealistic feminine ideal. I might have that sympathy, except that you're creating a feminine ideal for your own daughter that more resembles Kathy Bates. There is such a thing as a pendulum. Angelina's side includes bulemia and early onset dementia, true. But your side of the pendulum includes more than 17 ass-dimplies and heart disease. Live normal, people.
    LOL, the way you speak reminds me of myself. I'm learning to control this rage, though. I've realized that it never helps change the "sedentary hogs'" minds.

    I think I kind of blame the big businesses like McDonald's and things like that. Anything that contributes to the idea that it's okay to have a complete diet of non-nutritional foods. It's so typical to stuff your face with the garbage, how could that possibly be the source of everyone's problem? They don't understand the things they put in their bodies. They spread little rumors like "if you don't eat for the several hours before you go to sleep, you'll lose weight." As if it's that simple. No. The main problem is the trash they're putting into their bodies and how often. Number 2 is the lack of getting off of their asses. Food is meant to be energy for the human body to move. If you're taking in more energy than you're exerting, your body stores the energy for later. Simply "working out" for 15 minutes twice a week is not enough to get rid of this long built up energy if you're, at the same time, eating just as much and adding back that stored energy. Sure, it's a step up from NOT working out twice a week, but don't be surprised when you don't see dramatic results. You know what really sucks? You know that little "nutritional information" panel on most food products? It seems to me that most people aren't even aware of what any of it means. Sure, they may know that having way too much sodium isn't good. But do they know why? Of course not. Maybe they know that too much fat in a product isn't good. So instead of buying a product that has a slightly higher number of grams of unsaturated fat, they get something with less fat, but it's all saturated fat. You can see how that is bad, right? Haha. I feel like I'm rambling...

    If society as a whole is this bad and uneducated, it's clearly the thing which shapes the society's fault. You can't be angry at a person for never going out to find knowledge for themselves when they've never realized they could do that. They feel like it is what it is. They'll hear that a certain food is really bad for you and they'll take that in as fact, never questioning it for themselves at all, never understanding why they should. Really and truly thinking for yourself is incredibly rare. I'd really like for there to be some kind of free class on nutrition for everyone to take. I think it'd make a huge difference if people actually understood how their bodies worked. And the general ideal for being attractive is no longer to be "skinny," it's to be "fit." "Healthy." "Intelligent enough to understand why being fat is bad." At least, that's what the ideal should be.

    Science and critical thinking will take over soon enough and the type of people who make excuses for being fat will not exist. The person won't go "but my friend told me that eating this food will make me lose weight." The person will go, "what is this food composed of, how does it react with the body, and how would it possibly have that effect." They won't say "I am PRETTY if I am fat (or skinny). Therefore I will stay this way." They will say, "regardless of the physical appearance of either, does being fat or being skinny affect my body in a negative way?" At least I desperately hope we get to the point where the general public thinks in this manner.

  8. #8
    Banned Orgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forums
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Them thar hills
    Posts
    9,815
    Rep Power
    0

    Re: The Daily A-Hole (Orgcrush blog)

    Some changes I'd like to see:

    My son, Gavin, will be born sometime between now and likely June 5th, 2012. Assuming the scheduled (and controversial) Mayan apocalypse of December 21st does not come to pass, I'd like the world to discuss some changes that will make the world better for my offspring. As usual, it's all about me, and none of these changes were truly necessary until I had some skin in the game:

    1. This Whole Global Warming Thing: I'm tired of hearing about it, tired of reading about it, tired of watching penguin and polar bear documentaries that end in tragedy, tired of seeing choral reef footage where the narrator suggests that the choral reef is dwindling by an acre a day or some sh1t. I want this to change. I don't want my son to watch Animal Planet and then find out near the end of the show that the animal he has just seen no longer exists. I don't want him to see photos of the Maldives, or South Florida, and be told they can no longer be visited. I don't want my son to be forced to put up Southern California refugees in his apartment while he pays back $4.3 million in student loans. No thanks. Let's try solar, wind, or manure power. Something. Anything. We went from horse-drawn buggies to Formula 1 racing in like 40 years for christ's sake! I for damned sure think we can come up with an alternative fuel!

    Crocs:



    Stop it. Please. Just stop.

    Jihad/Evangelicals/Creationism/Sugar Milk: In my town right now, there is a controversy over whether or not elementary school kids should continue to be served strawberry, chocolate and root beer milk in school. Yes. F**king root beer flavored milk. Some nitwit thought it was okay to give a kid 35 grams of sugar with his calcium because he thought that was the only way a kid would drink milk. I had regular goddamned white milk when I was a kid, and didn't throw a conniption over not being given an entire Tootsie Pop's worth of sugar in the process.

    More unbelievably, this issue has somehow become politically partisan, to the point where members of local churches are blaming our mean ole' black president and his "big-bootied" wife for this. Her initiative to get kids moving and end obesity is obviously a master CIA plan, they say, to drive the socialist agenda by Obama and his Maoist comrades, and can only be stopped by a "revolution" to win the war against Christianity. Okay.

    The thing that REALLY gets me is how religion somehow got mixed in with strawberry milk and root beer. Is there ANY irredeemably stupid issue that pastors and bishops can't sink their sanctimonious teeth into? Do you Christians have ANY idea how much you resemble the jihadists and terrorists you claim to hate? They, like you, can't stand women who stand up and talk about things, either. They insist on taking political control in addition to theological control of their constituents. They, too, talk of "revolution."

    Can everyone just calm the f**k down? Can we take a few issues -- like children's milk, like whether or not tether-ball is better than TV -- and depoliticize them, and agree that these issues are just no-brainers? Is it possible? Seriously, guys, my kid's due in like 6 days. Relax.

    Zombie apocalypses: Let's not let this become a habit. Legalize weed so these dudes aren't resorting to mutant strains of LSD.


    More to come....

  9. #9
    Moderator joehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forumsjoehogjoe has a great deal of respect on the forums joehogjoe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    The Center of the Universe
    Age
    57
    Posts
    43,376
    Rep Power
    3121863

    Re: The Daily A-Hole (Orgcrush blog)

    One day my mom asked me to get some sweet milk for her. I went to the store and I looked and I called and asked her what sweet milk was, did she mean buttermilk or something else. She said sweet milk is just milk. I didn't know. She asked if I'd never realized how sweet milk was by itself and of course I had not. Turns out regular milk is loaded with sugar. Add that to the reasons I don't drink it to begin with.

    Congrats on your impending family increase. Hope everything is easy and excellent. Despite all the bs we banter back and forth about, it's a great time to bring new life into what should be a world that is on the edge of greatness.
    Never Yield!

    Go Hogs


    My American flag will hang upside down for the foreseeable future.

  10. #10
    Banned Orgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forumsOrgcrush has a great deal of respect on the forums
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Them thar hills
    Posts
    9,815
    Rep Power
    0

    Re: The Daily A-Hole (Orgcrush blog)

    Another Beaver is born...








+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Daily Bread.
    By swampmonster in forum SECFanatics Think Tank
    Replies: 65
    Last Post: 05-14-2010, 08:05 AM
  2. 2009-10 preview from the March Madness Blog (new info daily)
    By VandyChuck in forum SEC Basketball
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 10-20-2009, 03:51 PM
  3. The Only Blog that Matters is the Bean Blog
    By Bean in forum Blog Forum
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 03-22-2008, 11:11 PM
  4. Daily Dose of Humor
    By #1GamecockFan in forum Terry's Pub
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-28-2007, 07:34 PM
  5. My now "daily' contribution...
    By swampmonster in forum SECFanatics Think Tank
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 05-18-2007, 01:19 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts